Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Creekwood, #1)by Published 07 Apr 2015
|Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Creekwood, #1).pdf|
|Publisher||Balzer + Bray|
Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.
With some messy dynamics emerging in his once tight-knit group of friends, and his email correspondence with Blue growing more flirtatious every day, Simon’s junior year has suddenly gotten all kinds of complicated. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.
"Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Creekwood, #1)" Reviews
why is reading this book somehow the most homely feeling in the world? like stars realigning and flowers growing inside you and a thousand suns setting within your very bones?
here’s the thing: this was the very first lgbtqia+ book that I've ever read. I was 16 and forever I will associate this story with the genuine feeling of connection, the comfort of realizing your experiences are universal, and the loveliness of knowing that you have a community. I remember finishing it the first time and thinking how wrong it felt that everything looked the same, as if the world should have registered the events and it should have changed the way that I changed.
Simon vs. is a book every lgbtq+ teen should read. It's a beautiful coming-of-age story about a gay teen —Simon, who's still trying to define himself and all of his edges, to learn to be unafraid of wanting to be who he is and loving who he loves while facing conflicts that are too familiar to a lot of us. It's a story that advocates a world where being straight isn’t the default, where there isn’t any sexuality assumptions and where lgbtq+ people aren't being pressured to “come out”, while also firmly stating that coming out is a very personal thing for someone to do and no one should take that away from them.
this book really has a place in my heart nothing else could ever have and I really cannot recommend it strongly enough!!
“As a side note, don’t you think everyone should have to come out? Why is straight the default? Everyone should have to declare one way or another, and it should be this big awkward thing whether you’re straight, gay, bi, or whatever. I’m just saying.”
okay. this next section is going to be super spoilery and basically just me losing my shit, so if you haven't read the book, you know the drill!!
✨ do you ever just sit and think about how cute a book is and get all smiley?? when you're trying to start your homework again and you can't because you have to stop and smile more??
✨ I feel like roses and sunshine and glitter
✨ I feel like Becky Albertalli personally broke into my house and tucked me into bed and made me a warm cup of tea and asked me how I'm doing
✨ it literally does not matter what mood I am in or how crappy of a day I had, Simon vs. never fails to make me smile
✨ and can you believe there are people out there who’ve never read this book???? how sad???
✨ alright let's talk about this book
✨ SIMON SPIER
✨ Simon is basically me: 1) I too only understand 5% of life. 2) I too constantly think about how much I’ve changed in the past 3 years and just go like, thank god. (no really, if someone could erase any traces of my existence before the age of 14, I would really appreciate it). 3) I’m just so fucking [clenches fist] GAY. I mean you'd think after being gay my whole life I wouldn’t be so shook when a girl looks in my general direction, but there I am, still fucking shook.
✨ and also, I too have made so many connections with people on the internet that I like so much I sometimes just sit there and think “holy shit. there are people who are LUCKY enough to see this person IN THE FLESH. ON A REGULAR DAILY BASIS. I hope they realize that the universe has aligned in their favor and that they're so goddamn LUCKY!!”
✨ I love Simon. he's just so fucking likable. I mean he can be a piece of shit sometimes, but I have no right to judge him, for I too am a fucking swamp gremlin
✨ but truly, I love how he came to realize that he needs to try to be a better friend and a better person in general. he starts asking Leah & Abby hard questions about their families, apologizes when he crosses a line with Abby and realizes that he hurt Blue by assuming he was white. I just love how he messes up, gets called out on it and strives to do better. I fucking love him
✨ but let's move on to my ABSOLUTE FAV though
✨ BRAM GREENFELD
✨ can you believe Bram has only made a grand total of like, 5 appearances in this book (most of which were towards the end) and my idiotic self still managed to love him so fiercely??
✨ Bram is literally the softest human to ever exist. He's the human embodiment of sunshine and glitter and nice things. And I fucking love him. he's so gentle and so kind and he actually BLUSHES because that's just how BIG OF A CUTIE he is. And oh my god. I need to lie down for a second
✨ I know he's fictional or whatever but I really hope that the universe is this kind to him whenever he's in need because I love him and he's one of those people who would genuinely make you feel wanted and beautiful because them even looking at you makes you feel special & they’re so amazing and how could someone that radiant even exist!!!
✨I just really fucking love Bram, alright
✨ He's also so fucking relatable: 1) he doesn't know how to continue a conversation after saying hello & has zero communication skills. 2) He's an introvert who surrounds himself with extroverts because he doesn't think he's fun or funny and he would rather just sit there and listen while someone else has the burden of creating the mood and atmosphere. 3) he literally does not possess the barest modicum of chill when it comes to his crush. yeah. let's not forget how he dragged his best friend to this school play THREE times, solely because the boy he's been pining after had a NON-SPEAKING role in it. Bram, son, I hate to be the one to break this to you but you're a total mess and I wholeheartedly love and support you
✨ ok I'll shut up about Bram now
✨ how about we move on to BRAM+SIMON
✨ you'd think after two years my obsession with this otp would be quelled by now but I guess my feelings are well acquainted with the concept of recycling
✨ I am in love with their love. it's so innocent and so warm and so sickeningly sweet… the kind that makes my insides go all gooey & glittery and causes my heart to flutter uncomfortably and feel like I am going to spontaneously combust!!!
✨I am probably being too corny but you can't look me in the eye and tell me you haven't gone through something when Bram showed up at the Ferris wheel & when he left the Elliott Smith t-shirt in Simon’s locker with the softest love note ever and when they skipped lunch and went on an oreos adventure to the convenience store
✨ and 'so hold it' when Simon said he really wanted to hold his hand and 'I thought I was just seeing what I want to see' because Bram really wanted it to be Simon
✨I MEAN HOLY SHIT STAB BE WITH A FUCKING RUSTY NAIL I WANT THIS KIND OF SOFT LOVE WITH A SOFT GIRLFRIEND!!!
✨ yeah anyway one day my life will not revolve around fictional characters. today is fortunately not that day
✨ OK but can we also talk about the fact that Bram's hints in the emails were so subtle and so lowkey and very thought out so they would eventually reveal his identity if Simon ONLY knew where to look ?? and then there's Simon who's such a fumbling dork and who couldn’t be smooth for the sake of his fucking existence?? he was so blantantly obvious with the whole "Jacques a dit" thing and rambling about his teachers that it was too easy for Bram to put two and two together?? god I love them
✨ and yeah. sometimes I’m sad and stressed out and feeling like shit but then, right before my eyes, I can see it: that scene where Simon calls soccer tryouts 'auditions' because he's such a massive theater dork and Bram smiles at him so softly and Simon has literally no idea what to do with himself ???? WHOLESOME
✨ I’m still laughing because Simon spent a good portion of this book mocking overly cutesy couples on facebook but he ended up wanting TO HAVE EXACTLY WHAT THEY HAVE and even joking about it with his boyfriend?? what an incredible character development
✨anyway, I still can’t believe we get to witness Simon and Blue fall in love on the big screen. 2018 is truly a gays only event
✨ is it just me or is this damn review getting so long
✨ I wish I was this passionate about my college assignments
✨ I have an abundance of feelings about Leah
✨ first of all, I RELATE to Leah so much (look I know what you're thinking but everyone is relatable and this book has so much of me in it. it's unbelievable)
✨ 1) my talent is also coming off as an inviting and warm and open person but still remaining fairly closed off?? 2)I'm also very familiar with those Moods where you need like, affection and validation from your friends but you resent that you have to ask for it so you end up just sulking alone in your bed wishing someone would psychically know that you need a three hours hug!! 3) I too automatically assume everyone dislikes me unless EVERY individual states otherwise, as in they have to constantly tell me that they actually enjoy my presence in order for me to believe that they don’t actually secretly hate me and constantly think I’m annoying and are just being friendly to be polite!!!
✨ I love Leah. and can we appreciate what a good friend she is?? how she emulates the open warmth only kind people effortlessly exude just by being their genuine selves??? I feel like she's one of those genuinely nice girls who tell you your hair looks good or gently let you know if you have lipstick on your teeth and make the world a little more brilliant
✨ remember how Simon immediately knew she was the one who picked his birthday cake because it was perfect and if anyone would remember how simon could never commit to one flavor and how thinks red icing tastes too red, it would be Leah?? I don’t know, y’all, but friends who are so committed to recalling small details about you without you having to tell them are a warm luxury everyone deserves!!
✨ I also love Abby, she's a soft summer girl dappled in sunlight and she's so cute with her casual displays of friendship and platonic love!! it's just so good and pure and beautiful always!!
✨ Lastly, I hope all the Martins of the world are out there experiencing SHIT.
Oh okay, you I-told-you-so people. You were right. This book is so much fun that I baked cookies and listened to unfortunate nineties pop music.
And I seriously didn't want to read this. I mean, why would I? I don't particularly like cutesy romances, LGBT or not. The cover is kinda sucky and not attractive. The title is an inside joke that only makes sense after reading the book. And, let's be honest, it's always easier to convince me to read books with phrases like "mind-bending twist", "dark secrets" and "twisted characters". The word "cute" doesn't draw me in.
But I finally took a chance on it and I concede - this book is wonderful. Just so so entertaining from start to finish. I actually snorted aloud (like the sexy beast I am) at some of the hilarious scenes between Simon and his friends. Simon is that perfect mix of delightfully weird and totally normal - he makes us laugh and roll our eyes, but we secretly recognize many of the things he thinks.
I giggled so much at scenes like this:
I take a sip of my beer, and it’s - I mean, it’s just astonishingly disgusting. I don’t think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I’d rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.
Anyway, it really makes you worry about all the hype surrounding sex.
A few minutes later...
“Simon, how much did you drink?” asks Leah. I’m twisting the ends of her hair. Leah’s hair is so pretty, and it smells exactly like French toast. Except that’s Abby. Leah smells like almonds.
“One beer.” One most excellent, most delicious beer.
“One beer. I can’t even begin to express how ridiculous you are.”
I know this sounds extremely lame - but this book genuinely made me happy. It doesn't hesitate to portray the reality of homophobia in a high school in the South, but it's ultimately such an uplifting story about friendship, family and the sweetest romance I may ever have read.
You can read hundreds, perhaps thousands, of books about the difficulties of dealing with your sexuality and coming out - like the dark and powerful More Happy Than Not - and these are very important, but it was so refreshing to see a warm, fuzzy gay romance where the protagonist is supported by his friends and family.
Very funny and heart-warming.
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Original Review (December 2013): If Becky wasn't a gay teenage boy with good grammar and a foul mouth in several past lives, then she's absolutely one of the most observant writers in the YA game.
New Review (June 2017): Just finished my third or fourth reread of SIMON VS., this time on audio which is narrated by the amazing Michael Crouch, and wow, I love this book more each time. I'm 27 right now and SIMON remains the book I wish I had 10 years ago.
This was a great read! Simon is a hilarious character and I loved reading through his perspective. I also liked that the story didn't just end right after the climax and how we got to see what happened past the big moment of the story.
in honor of me seeing the movie early and then seeing it again on a cheesy and gay movie date: THE BEST MOMENTS OF THIS BOOK, NEW AND IMPROVED!!
🌷Simon putting Martin in his phone as “monkey’s asshole”
🌹I can’t believe “mom, pick me up, kids are drinking alcohol” isn’t in the book
🌷the Drarry fanfiction summer
🌹“there are some socks that shouldn’t be washed by your mom”
🌷the suck and dick nice weather typo, and Blue subsequently bringing it up, like, eight times
🌹the unfortunately correct representation of what high school theater is like. thoughts and prayers appreciated
🌷 “What’s a dementor?” she asks.
I mean, I can’t even. “Nora, you are no longer my sister.”
“So it’s some Harry Potter thing.”
🌹the entire chapter where Simon drinks a beer
🌷 "I take a sip of my beer, and it’s - I mean, it’s just astonishingly disgusting. I don’t think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I’d rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.
Anyway, it really makes you worry about all the hype surrounding sex."
🌹thanks Simon this is the best quote I’ve read in my damn life
🌷 Simon going on a rant about all the different places they came from and how they all got here and Abby replying with “slavery, in my case”
🌹I still think Abby and Leah should have ended up together, especially after that one line about how they really were just "trying to impress each other"? why was that there if they‘re both Really Straight? [bi Leah theory is real and i'm so glad Becky agrees with me]
🌷I cant believe the post-presidency Barack Obama joke wasn’t in the book because that was fucking awesome
🌹all of Simon’s email titles. especially Reese’s are better than sex
🌷“Maybe you should stop having heterosexual sex”
🌹Blue being an asshole and attaching a picture of a Reese’s to an email
🌷“Partying harder than Blue’s mom since 2014”
🌹 Wednesday is gender bender day, which basically amounts to Southern straight people cross dressing.
🌷Simon thinking Blue dressing up like a cheerleader is cute, one chapter after they sarcastically intone the concept of ogling cheerleaders.
🌹 I am literally not joking, that actually happens in this book and it took me FOUR REREADS to notice it. that is the most next-level foreshadowing I have ever seen in my whole fucking life
🌷Leah dressing extra-feminine to protest gender bender day
🌹 “being secure in your masculinity isn’t the same as being straight” –somebody finally fucking said it!!
🌷Leah’s birthday haiku for Simon
🌷When Blue calls Simon cute and grammatical and Simon calls him that back. wow I love love
🌹 “...or we could do things other than talking. I mean, I’m just saying” –Simon being a smooth bitch
🌷did we all just forget that Simon ran a tumblr called Passion Pit OBSESSION
🌹the part where Simon and Blue touch hands oh my god !!!!!
🌷 “I’m glad you find me distracting. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise” –Blue being a smooth bitch
🌹Simon stealing Leah’s cut your eyes to the side strategy and using it on Martin
🌷Simon giving into the Martin thing and immediately internal monologuing “I hate myself. I hate myself” is the most relatable content
🌹Abby replying to Martin hitting on her with “I do like waffles. that’s why I got them”
🌹Blue’s dad getting him a book by Casanova
the fact that Blue says “as you would say, freaking Casanova” and Simon immediately replies with “FREAKING CASANOVA” that’s so pure
🌷Blue being turned on by Simon’s sentence fragments
🌹 “who are all these cute guys that make you so nervous? you better not love THEIR sentence fragments”
🌷THE FACT THAT WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BRAM FREEZE UP AROUND SIMON IN REAL LIFE AAAAAAAH
🌹Martin singing at the Waffle House
🌷How sweet and soft Abby is after Simon comes out she freaking,, has him pull over and is so nice
🌹Everything Abby does in this whole book?
🌷 “she didn’t seem to believe me when I told her I’m not sexually active, so I guess that’s flattering”
🌹Simon calling his future inlaws “Ms. Every Time Including Oral and Mr. Let’s Read About Freaking Casanova”
🌷all the conversations about letting the walls down in this book are so freaking relatable. it really does feel like there’s no going back once you tell one person and I’m so impressed that Becky Albertalli managed to get that down.
🌹THE ENTIRETY OF PAGE 129
🌷a sophomore snuck into the chem lab and got his junk stuck in a beaker?
🌹Taylor getting more characterization than basic mean girl !! [make her Leah's love interest in Leah on the Offbeat. I beg and pray]
🌷Blue slipping a joke about how good Simon is at distracting him into his Upset Monologue
🌹 “It’s like he’s our age telling his parents he knocked someone up. Which is totally the straight person equivalent of coming out” –Simon being a freaking savage
🌷I don’t know about you but I can’t read the why is straight the default paragraph without thinking about OH GOD HELP ME JESUS
🌹and Blue replying with “the Homosexual Agenda” I’m freaking crying
🌷“You have me curious. Banana? Hot dog? Cucumber?” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹“More like a giant baguette” –a real thing Blue actually typed and sent
🌷“I love your giant baguette” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹Simon calling Blue “my Jewish-Episcopalian email boyfriend” in his internal monologue
🌷the fact that Nick likes to talk about social media as a vehicle for constructing and performing identity
🌹“Whatever the hell that means” —Simon
🌷 “Who would post something like that?” “Someone who doesn’t know that “anal buttsex” is redundant”
🌷the fucking smiley face on page 171
🌹Simon calling Target “an office supply Justice League”
🌷 “one girl even confirms that Jesus still loves me”
🌹HERE IT IS GUYS. THE MOST ICONIC AND RELATABLE LINE FROM THIS WHOLE BOOK:
I’m just so sick of straight people who can’t get their shit together
🌷the fact that Simon says this about Bram, the most heterosexual of straights, the straightest, just call him Straighty McHetero
🌹AUDITIONS !! SIMON CALLING BRAM CUTE !! WOW IF PAGE 195 AINT A PAGE
🌷also Simon’s entire arc means the fucking world to me and I am so proud of him
🌹why does Simon get drunk so much in this book
🌷the Elliot Smith shirt !!
🌹Simon trying to crank Sufjan Stevens and it going about as well as you could expect
🌷the NOTE IN THE SHIRT
🌹ALL OF THE FERRIS WHEEL SCENE. PAGE TWO SIXTY SIX TO TWO SIXTY EIGHT IN THE US HARDCOVER EDITION WOW LOVE IS REAL 👏👏👏
🌷 “Bram’s gone too. how strange :)” —Abby being a savage
🌹“you’re THE cute guy” —BRAM BEING THE MOST ROMANTIC
🌷SHOUT OUT OUR ANNIVERSARY EVERY WEEK
🌹Bram’s dad using Casanova being bisexual as a reply to him coming out
🌷the fact that a 2015 bestselling YA novel used the word bisexual twice and it’s 2018 and I still feel like I have to recognize that
🌹the “happy two day anniversary!!!!!!!!!” text
🌷“don’t you dare cry” “what? no way” *has a full breakdown*
aaaaaaanddddddd most importantly
🌹WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH OTHER PEOPLE KISSING
🌷WHEN I COULD BE KISSING YOU
that’s all, folks, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk !! please read this book it’s eight levels of purity, cleansed my soul, and made me into the lesbian I am today. also I technically read most of it from 4 am to 6 am on Jan 18 because priorities, and if that's not an endorsement, what is?
→ elise nitpicks her faves ←
Nick is lowkey there for added heterosexual romance drama, there is a reference to coming out being easier for gay girls that I think is an oversimplistification, and that is literally it. I do my best to criticize things but my guy sometimes you just gotta accept masterpieces for what they are
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